Looking back, moving forward

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

NOTE- this article strays from my usual “wonky” legal topics and delves into more personal territory. Later this month I will post a more technical article on the history of federal funding for sexual assault.

This year’s theme for Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) is “25 Years Stronger: Looking Back, Moving Forward” in recognition of the official 25th anniversary of SAAM. I decided to take the “looking back, moving forward” slogan personally and talk about my personal history and my hopes for the future.

Looking Back

I have written here about my career trajectory, starting with my work at a domestic violence shelter. What I don’t often discuss is my personal history with domestic violence, which included what I consider sexual abuse. For example, my ex used to pressure me to have sex when I had migraines. For those of you who have never experienced a migraine, imagine being stabbed through the head with a sword–in my case, always over my right eye. On top of the extreme pain, there is nausea, sensitivity to light, sound, and smell, and distorted vision. Under those conditions, all I want to do is lie very still in the darkest, quietest place I can find. While my ex did not physically force me to have sex, he would not stop badgering me until it became easier to give in just to get it over with.

In another instance, after I told him that our relationship was over, he asked to see me one more time and I agreed. My memory of the conversation has blurred but I vividly remember him lying on top of me on the floor while I repeatedly yelled “get up, get up!” In that moment, I felt certain he was going to rape me. Thankfully he did get up and leave.

I want to pause and describe the feelings I am having about disclosing this (which is also why I generally don’t talk about it). One worry is that people will see me differently because of this. Another is the knowledge that others have experienced much worse sexual assaults or abuse–should this even count? On top of that, my domestic “violence” victimization was almost entirely emotional/psychological rather than physical or sexual. Lastly, it happened about 30 years ago; what if my memory is no longer accurate?

The personal experience of domestic violence drove me to work in the field. One thing I noticed immediately was the “balkanization” of domestic violence and sexual assault services, which became a “pet peeve” of mine. At my shelter, the local rape crisis center presented at our volunteer training for one hour of “sexual assault 101.” I don’t believe that the rape crisis center reciprocated by having us at their volunteer training.

At the shelter, although we each had separate roles, we also backed each other up. This meant we all had shifts on the hotline and at the shelter, even if it wasn’t our primary job. I noticed a significant overlap between sexual assault and domestic abuse through the hotline calls I took and the support groups I managed. However, if someone called my hotline, I would provide crisis intervention and safety planning and suggest services, but I could only provide basic sexual assault information. For more specific needs—such as medical accompaniment for a forensic exam or a sexual assault support group—I had to refer them to the rape crisis center.

After leaving the shelter, I worked in policy at the National Center for Victims of Crime (NCVC) and then for 24 years at the Department of Justice (23 years at the Office on Violence Against Women (OVW) and one at the Office for Victims of Crime (OVC)). In those roles, I focused on learning more about sexual assault. For example, at NCVC, I wrote an article on spousal rape that was republished in the Domestic Violence Report. The first conference I attended in the field was a national sexual assault conference in Dallas, hosted by the Centers for Disease Control.

At OVW, I worked on many projects related to sexual assault medical forensic exams, including the National Protocol for Sexual Assault Medical Forensic Examinations and during the year I spent at OVC, I helped launch the first telehealth initiative for forensic exams. During that time, I learned much more about the differences between sexual assault and domestic violence, including how sexual assault can be committed by people in various types of relationships or no relationship at all, and the impact of sexual assault across the lifespan. I also learned about the challenges faced by dual and multiservice programs in meeting the needs of all victims (see, the OVW Sexual Assault Demonstration Initiative).

Moving Forward

Personally, I hope to remain involved in important sexual assault-related projects. One of the hardest parts of leaving my previous roles was the thought of losing connection to these projects. Fortunately, I have stayed connected to some through volunteering and have worked on new initiatives through my consulting business, such as collaborating with the Joyful Heart Foundation on image-based sexual abuse.

In terms of the future for the field, if I ran the world, I would eliminate sexual assault completely. Since that is unlikely to happen in my lifetime (although I believe in prevention and that we can make a difference and reduce sexual assault), I’d like to see an expansion of victim services. This means more than just funding; it means services designed to meet victims where they are, such as culturally-specific services, rather than a one-size-fits-all approach. I’d also like to see more innovation, such as OVW’s program for flexible financial assistance, which covers costs that traditional services do not and allows victims to identify their own needs.

Stay tuned later this month for the history of federal funding to address sexual assault.